My Alarm Clock

To get me Up I set the Thing,
Then I dread When it will Ring.
Agony is Self-Imposed,
Insane Logic is Exposed.

The Only case I Acquiesce,
When I Wake up in a Mess,
If the Time left on the Clock,
Delays the Punishment of Shock.

But the Thing that Jerks my Jaws,
If I wake and look Because,
The time remaining that I See,
Is too Short ‘til it Dings Me.

What I need to Counteract,
A device to Help fight Back.
At will into Slumber Modes,
Faster than when Ring Implodes.

The Crazy Bone

If you Hit your Crazy Bone,
It might Put you in the Zone.
Pain, to Numb, to Ting-hell-ling,
Swear Words from your Mouth might Sing.

Evolution true or Not,
Pros and Cons they Can be Fought.
Evidence is What you Need,
So your Point of View can Plead.

I believe the Body’s Changed,
Some folks Parts have Rearranged.
Elbows seemingly are Null,
Crazy Bone is Now their Skull.

Progression of a Bad Idea

An Idea pops into my Head,
Added features Then are Bred.
Stirred around Into the Mix,
Humor and some Funny Quips.

This is Oh So very Clever,
Certainly a Prime Endeavor.
Words are Swirling – Rhyming In,
Excited to Let it Begin.

Mind is Able and not Shirking,
Comfort in that It’s still Working.
Time to Start this Masterpiece,
Before the Batter can Decrease.

First Draft, Second Draft, even More,
Now seems Better than Before.
Get it Just the Way I Want,
Post it In my Preferred Font.

Read once More – Ensure I’m Golden,
Now I’m even More Embolden.
Then move On to other Ventures,
Like inserting my clean Dentures.

Hours pass and I Return,
To what I wrote With some Concern.
Doubts have Crept within this Time,
To what I posted in that Rhyme.

Read it Again – What was I Thinking,
And I was Not even Drinking.
This really Was a Bad Idea,
Something Kin to Brain Urea.

What to Do – The Deed is Done,
Now in Regret Overrun.
Delete it Out or Let it Sit?
Wrote the Thing and now I Own It!

Never too Old to Impregnate

Did my Homework as I Should,
To Insure I’m awesome Good.
Pictured what was Best for Me,
Positioning seems really Key.

Checked the Calendar and Date,
Must be Today – It just can’t Wait.
Just relax and Take it Slow,
Let the Preparations Flow.

Powered up so Very Much,
Fertilizer, Mulch, and Such.
To be a Stud I am Told,
Plan to Come with a Full Load.

Spread with Care not Everywhere,
Be Specific where I Share.
If direct the Time you Spend,
Results are Better in the End.

Now it’s Done I am quite Sore,
And it was a Taxing Chore.
Things have Changed since I Begun,
This Time I am One and Done!

Three Weeks

This is how Three Weeks shows,
Since the Crater by my Nose.
Eye looks Like a Glove Collision,
In a Ten Round Split Decision.

Got a Reverse Elvis Sneer,
I’m not Him that Fact is Clear.
Though I truly Feel the Blues,
Have misplaced my Blue Suede Shoes.

Got inverted “Y Thing” going,
Added Feature should be Showing.
Place a Circle and In Line,
Could be Sporting a Peace Sign.

Although folks Stopped and Stared,
My little Dog just never Cared.
I carry On but If in Doubt,
Can face the World with Left Face Out.

For our Mail Carrier

I am a Champion Procrastinator when it comes to anything associated with assembly, repair, or replace.  I had put off replacing our mailbox for a long time until my wife marched me to the store and bought a new one.  Then I was given the detestable task of assembling and installing the thing.  After completion – I wrote the following Rhyme, and taped it inside the mailbox, for our mail carrier.  I am certain he thought that I was a Loony Old Man but he did leave a note, “Thank you – it looks good.”

“Mr. Handy” I am Not,
Erecting this Took all I Got.
Was the Worst one ‘Round these Blocks,
Hope this Is my Last Mail Box!

My Diminishing Brain Cells

From the Things I Read and Hear,
At my Age – Depressing Fear.
Some Brain Cells – Already Gone,
Out the Door – Beyond the Lawn?

So I have to make a Plan,
Remaining Cells they All must Ban.
So it’s Not an Aberration,
Task goes to Imagination.

Perhaps just Give them What they Crave,
That might Get them to Behave?
Take off Chains of Common Sense,
Discard Shackles of Pretense.

Like clean Windows with Windex,
Wipe off Body Mass Index.
Eat and Drink to Cells Content,
Go for Broke and Don’t Lament.

Contented Cells might Stay Around,
Imagination’s plans Abound,
Cheat and Dupe forever Tether,

You are Da Man

You are Da Man so in Command,
When it’s your Plan to just Demand,
For all to Fan a sad Dreamland,
So you can Ban and not Expand,
Beyond the Span of your Brass Band,
And how you Ran a trite Newsstand,
‘Til you can’t Pan or not Remand,
The end is Tan in deep Quicksand.

Things that Should Rhyme

Speeches, Ball Scores, Legislation,
Instructions to Kill Vegetation.
Contracts, Bills, and Directions,
Ways to Make some true Connections.

Tax Codes, Weather, and the News,
Which detergent You should Choose.
Health Care, Bills, and Insurance,
Programs to Increase Endurance.

Facebook, Twitter, and the Rest,
Ways to get Things off your Chest.
Billboards, Street Signs, and a Prayer,
Inspire Folks to really Care.

If you Use the Alphabet,
Can enlighten it No Sweat,
Select your Words and Take your Time,
Results are Better if you Rhyme.